Leaving Las Vegas

Monday, July 31, 2006

Welcome...

I'm sending out my very fist Warm 'n Fuzzy Welcome to my renter-of-the-week, The Dramedy of Life!

This chick is totally hilarious (not to mention she feels exactly the same way about Zayra- Rock Star: Supernova- as I do), and she's sure to make you laugh!

She also has some fab tab info about " Click & Comment Monday" from Cat. Read her info here.It's such a great concept! First off, who doesn't like to get comments? And this is definitely a way to generate traffic to you. Just click on my renter, check out her site and leave a comment, then click on her renter, and so on... Fun, fun, fun... No more of those dumb ass Next Blog- Blogs!

So, make sure to visit The Dramedy of Life, and visit it often, dammit! She's a super swell gal!

posted by Heidi at 1:09 PM

| Permalink | 1 comments

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Nowhere but Vegas Baby...

Yes, I absolutely cannot wait to get the hell out of Las Vegas- some may say "I'll be moving on to Greener Pastures...."

Although I definitely despise "Sin City", I've begun compiling a list of a few of my favorites to reflect on all of the bizarre, goofball (yet sometimes interesting) things that could only happen here. A walk down memory lane; a farewell ode to my birth city...

Over the next few ---(I'm not really sure how long; depends on my mood, and how long this subject actually holds my [and your] interest), I'll be bringing you my Top <insert number here- because I don't friggin know> List.

So sit back and enjoy Today's Top 4...

#1-Mr. Las Vegas", Mayor Oscar Goodman.

I tell people that the gateway to my city is a billboard that has the
picture of a beautiful woman in a state of recline wearing a pink dress, saying that she'll come to your room. I don't know what she does when she gets to the room, but the sign next to it is advertising Viagra. So maybe that says
something about Las Vegas. -- LV Mayor Oscar Goodman, CNN
Newsnight, Oct. 1, 2004

Love him or hate him, he's like no other!

Mob Attorney Extraordinaire
During his career as a defense attorney he represented defendants accused of being some of the leading organized crime figures in Las Vegas, such as Meyer Lansky and former Stardust Casino boss Frank ‘Lefty’ Rosenthal. One of his most notorious clients was reputed Chicago mobster Anthony “Tony the Ant” Spilotro, who was known to have a very short and violent temper. Spilotro was portrayed by actor Joe Pesci in the semi-factual 1995 movie Casino, in which Goodman had a cameo appearance as himself. Goodman also represented former San Diego Mayor Roger Hedgecock, who was convicted of accepting illegal campaign contributions and eventually forced to resign.

Oscar's solution for cleaning up graffiti and keeping the "Thugs" off the streets

"You know, we have a beautiful highway landscaping redevelopment in our downtown. We have desert tortoises and beautiful paintings of flora and fauna. These punks come along and deface it.

"I'm saying maybe you put them on TV and cut off a thumb," the mayor added. "That may be the right thing to do."

Goodman also suggested that whippings or canings should be brought back for children who get into trouble.

"I also believe in a little bit of corporal punishment going back to the days of yore, where examples have to be shown," Goodman said.

And just a few days ago, Good 'ol Oscar changed his tune (slightly...)

"We were not going to cut thumbs off," he said. "That was to begin discussions on the issue."

Yep, he decided he was 'over' the whole deleted digit theory. He's got a better solution; bind the thugs in medieval-style stocks and let the public paint their faces!

"This would be a great deterrent," Goodman said, adding the city attorney's office was researching whether the proposal was constitutional. "I want to see if it falls under cruel or unusual punishment. If not, great. Let's put it into effect."

Although Oscar's 'gin blossom' nose is about to explode- he drinks several Bombay Sapphire martinis daily- I think he's A-OK. Vegas couldn't have found a more perfect character for the job!

#2- Elvis is Alive!

This is one of those sick little things that has attached itself to Las Vegas. I suppose the peculiar Vegas-Elvis correlation has something to do with the large amount of time "The King" spent here. It's impossible to visit without at least one sighting of a kooky Elvis impersonator. Impossible!

The Flying Elvi- Some of the strangest, wish-they-could-be-The-King, guys in town. Yes, a group of retarded looking Elvis Impersonators jumping out of planes. These were the same guys you saw in "Honeymoon in Vegas".

Yep, these dudes cruise around casinos looking for photo ops. Here's one with Jilly. The guy charged them 2 bucks for the picture- IT WAS THEIR CAMERA!!!

Some jokers even allow this wanna-be to marry them!

Then we've got this guy. His name is Pete Vallee, but he likes to be referred to as "Fat Elvis" (yeah, that would be my first pick too!?!). This dork can be seen almost daily performing at the smoke-infested rat-hole Barbary Coast Casino. For some strange reason, old ladies and drunk-off-their-ass brides to be love this lard ass.

#3- Slot Machines in Grocery Stores

I never thought twice about the rows of slot and video poker machines in our grocery stores. That was, until I visited grocery stores in other states. Grocery Store slots are the lifeline of sooo many Las Vegans. No matter what time of day or night, your gonna find old ladies who smoke too damn much, casino shift workers in their black and whites, bored housewives, biker dudes, and whoever else has the fever. It's pretty comical watching these people. They are serious about their slots!

#4- Weddings like no other...

So I think 'theme' weddings are just plain weird, but that's my opinion, right? People flock from all over the world to participate in these cheap, silly ceremonies. Too many themes for me to list, but here are a few that Vegas is notorious for:

The Drive-through Window Wedding

Yep, you might be familiar with drive-up windows at fast food joint, banks, hell, even dry cleaners! But Vegas is probably the only spot your can drive through and tie the knot!

Elvis Theme

Like I mentioned above, Vegas has a bunch of Elvis Kooks running around. Yes folks, get your wed on here with none other than The King, himself (okay- not really himself; just some washed up has-been who didn't quite make it in Hollywood...)

Star Trek Vows

I've never quite understood "Trekkie's", but here's a wedding their going to love. Wow! What the fuck are people thinking???

There are thousands (well, quite a few anyway) of themes to go with if you plan on getting hitched here. Pretty much, you name it- Vegas has it.

So there you have it folks, Todays Vegas Top 4.

Until next time...

Heidi

posted by Heidi at 12:11 PM

| Permalink | 1 comments

Friday, July 28, 2006

Is Botox the Answer?

I sure the hell hope it is!

Bet you all probably thought I was over my "age crisis". Well, technically I am. But... I've decided it's time to start taking a little preventative medicine. It's not actually considered a "medical procedure". They (whoever They are), are referring to it as "Cosmetic".

I don't know when shoving little needles into your face started being referred to as cosmetic, but whatever. I'm doing it! Appointment scheduled: 8/16 @ 9:30a...

For those of you who know me, your question might go something like this:

"Why the hell are you getting Botox, Heidi?" "Your only 35, and I don't see any wrinkles...".

Here's my 2-part answer to you folks:

BECAUSE I WANT TO
It called preventative for a reason! Duh, I don't want wrinkles!

And what's the worst thing that could happen, anyway? My eyes will be a tight frozen stare? How bad's that? At least they won't be crows-feet laden little squinty peepers.

So what if I always look surprised? Surprises are fun! I'm not going to look like Burt (Reynolds) or Joan (Rivers)- promise.

Now perhaps I've sparked a twinkle of interest for some of you. You can find the Botox portal (yes, they're referring to it as a portal!) here.

Who woulda thunk that Botox was also used for Sever Underarm Sweating? Sounds kinda gross, but what the hell. If you've got that problem, and it works, do whatcha gotta do...

Here are some before and after samplings... See, my little wrinkles are nowhere near these peoples. And they look much better in the 'afters'. Just imagine how great I'm gonna look!!!!

21 days and counting until my face is as smooth 'n soft as a baby's buttox! (Get it. Buttox- Botox. A little play on words- Gawd I crack myself up!!)

BTW: please no corrections- I know it's buttocks- I was being funny. Ya know, ha ha...

Oh, and Jill, I swear I won't have "Botox Lips"!

posted by Heidi at 12:46 PM

| Permalink | 4 comments

Thursday, July 27, 2006

LEAVING LAS VEGAS

I bet a lot of you are wondering where in the hell the title for my blog came from (or maybe not). I am, however, going to tell you about the decision for my choice, regardless of whether or not you give a damn.

I was born & raised in Vegas (aka 'Sin City' for all of you who like to give cities cutesy little nicknames). I never really thought about whether or not I liked it here until about 10 years ago. That is when I had my revelation.

I FREAKIN HATE LAS VEGAS.

No, it's not really Vegas that I hate. The 120 degree heat, and no rain is pretty shitty, but I don't dare complain about that...

It's the nonsensical simpletons that live here that cause everyday normal citizens to morph into crazed psychos, ready to commit murder in the 1st at any second.

Now I've visited quite a few other cities, and I have never (not even in NYC) encountered so many rude ass people. I mean rude. Make you want to rip their throuts out rude.

Your all fine and dandy when you visit Vegas. Sure you become drunken morons who don't know how to keep your mouths shut, but I blame that on the booze and the fact that you probably just lost your ass at the blackjack table. It's when you decide Vegas is the place to live that it all changes.

Please tell me, is there an oath you must sign and promise to before moving your ass into town that reads:

"I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will do everything in my power to uphold the following guidelines when re-locating to Las Vegas, Nevada:

1. When Driving:

I will always drive like a Fucking Idiot
I will make sure that when on freeways I will drive fast, than slow down, than
drive fast again, solely to ensure drivers trying to transfer lanes are shit out of luck.
I will make sure to stay close enough to the car in front of me that I scare the piss out of the poor guy/girl, and make it impossible for others to move over- especially near intersections and off ramps.
I will "gawk" at all accidents on the roadways/ highways to hold traffic up as long as I possibly can.
I will never use my turn signal, and just "swoop" across lanes when the need arises.
I will honk whenever I think about it. More honks, more better.
I will use the 'Points System', and do my best to run over pedestrians with my vehicle in parking lots/ shopping centers.

2. When in Public Spaces:

I will never gain eye contact with another person. This will make it easier for all of the other 'public space' oaths I will swear to.
I will push my way to the front of every single line. This especially pertains to All-You-Can-Eat-to-Make-Your-Ass-Fatter Buffets.
I will throw any and all garbage out of my car window, and drop it on the ground when walking. I will never use a trash receptacle.
I will bitch about all government officials, and than take bribes from the very people whom I bitched about, then re-elect them
I will only speak to strangers if the conversation is about how 'Vegas Sucks' and/or how everything was done the "right way" wherever I originally came from.
I will never say 'Thank You' or 'Please'. Even if I said these things "where I came from".

I have to assume that this oath really does exist, as these are the challenges I am faced with daily. Oddly enough, I have a solution.

I'M LEAVING LAS VEGAS. Getting the hell away from these freak-balls. Moving to a place where people smile and say hello. Drivers are courteous, and tempers kept to a minimum.

Well, soon, anyway.

posted by Heidi at 4:21 PM

| Permalink | 5 comments

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Impeach Bush

I've spent the past week or so reading thousands, okay, maybe not thousands, but a lot of blogs. One of the first things that jumped out at me was that just about every blog I looked at had something to do with the freakin weather. (See my thoughts on this here).

But I do have compassion. I really feel sorry for these folks.

My new skin-crawling peeve are the thousands of Impeach Bush sites.

Please understand that I am by no means a fan of Good-Ol'-Boy George Dub. As a matter of fact, I think the guy is a terdball. But come on, site after site after site.....

I read the first dozen or so I encountered. Then I got bored. Do you people really think that George is going to get impeached. If your still wondering, here is your answer: No.

So let's move on. We all know you hate the little troll. Give it up. If your so stinkin' compassionate about it, do a search and add a link to one of the quazillion other sites out there. If you can't find them, drop me a line, I'd be happy to point you to them.

Shit, at this point I'd be happy to stumble upon a blog dedicated to how to watch your carpet grow (okay, I'm pushing it now).

And I'm not one of those who only like specific subjects. I want to read it all. I'll read your Mommy Blogs, your flower blogs, damn- I'll even read your Nascar blogs (and let me say, I've seen some of you Nascar junkies...). Just not the same shit again and again and again and again- you get the point, right?

And remember this: if something did happen to Mr. Prez, Mr. Vice Prez would step right up. So be careful what you wish for...

posted by Heidi at 9:36 AM

| Permalink | 3 comments

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Bob the Bugman

It's the last Tuesday of the month. That might not be a big deal to most of you, however for me, it's my monthly "Creep Out Day".

On the last Tuesday of every frickin month, I am graced with Bob the Bugman. Right here, in my own humble abode.

For those of you whom have never had a pest control service, let me start by saying that I believe all of these guys are strange (probably inhaling too much of that professional Raid shit). But lucky me, I think I got the Numero Uno Weirdo Bug Guy!

Please don't misunderstand me. Bobby Boy is nice enough. Just because I believe he's originally from the planet Xena does not make him a bad man. No, not bad, just unbelievably bizarre!

Can you say Creeeeep-E?!

Let me explain. First off, Bob is disturbingly prompt. Now I'm sure that most of you are thinking, "What the hell's wrong with that?". Yes, I too, spend a lot of time bitching about service people being notoriously late, however, this prompt is just a little weird. When I say prompt, this guy shows up at precisely the same second every frickin month. How is that humanly possible? I mean, he is always telling me how many people he services (gross), so if he's doing so many households, how can he be so damn prompt???

Weirdo-Bob is not a looker either. Although his 'uniform' is oddly neat and tidy, Bob looks, well, um, like a serial killer. Okay, maybe not a serial killer, just a sexual predator. He's got funky little beady eyes, and teeth, uh, lets just say, the teeth resemble George Washington's wooden ones after Cujo got a hold of them...

Bob's a talker too. Not your average, run of the mill talker, mind you. He's a talker. Come on now, my bugman talks to me like we go waaay back. No Bob, I don't give a rat's ass about your life. I don't want to give you a run down on "What I've been up to this past month". Just SHUT THE FUCK UP and KILL MY FRIGGIN BUGS, DAMMIT! This goes back to my questioning his timeliness. How can he be on time when he won't shut his pie hole??? Does he schedule 'Talk Time' along with 'Drive Time'???

Bob not only talks idle chit-chat. He loves to talk about his worldly travels. Yes, Bob the Bugman is quite the jet-setter. For any of you whom may give a damn, Bob's next outing is diving in the Galapagos Islands. My next thought is, "how is creepy ol' Bob able to do this???".

Bob's also a Football Fanatic. I think he loves Dallas (although I try to tune him out, so I could be wrong...). He's that creepy guy who buys tickets to out of state games. Not just buys tickets for him and his buddies. No, he buys extra tickets. Just in case any of his "service calls" would like to join him. Every friggin football season my bugman invites G and me to an out of state game. Yea, that's how I want to spend my free time; hangin' out with Bobby Boy, sure! Does this freak invite all of his customers? Is he trying to organize a Bugman & his Customers Social Club??? Nope, think we'll pass on this one, thanks though...

In case you weren't aware, I'm in Real Estate (in Las Vegas). People are always asking questions about the market, their home, area homes, yada yada yada. This isn't a problem. I love talking Real Estate, and heck, it might even drum up some business. But why, why does Bob insist on asking me about Real Estate in Mexico? Shit, I am a white (and I mean pale white-bread-kind-of-white) chick from Vegas. HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW ABOUT MARKET VALUE & TERMS IN MEXICO????

Now not only does Bob the Bugman have all of these peculiar personality traits, he also does screwy things. For instance, last month Bob stepped in a pile of doggy doo-doo in my back yard, then tracked it back into my house. Innocent enough, right? Well, he's looking down the whole time he's back there. He's spraying bugs, HE'S ALWAYS LOOKS DOWN! Lets get this right: grass= green, dog shit= brown. Where's the problem? I don't see a problem, do you???

After trailing the poop throughout my kitchen, Bobby asks for water. Now we have a mini fridge dedicated to individule bottles of water, easy enough to reach in, grab one for Bob, and get him the hell outta there. But Bugman B needs his water in a glass with ice. Can you imagine? So now, I've got to prepare a cold beverage for, of all people, MY BUGMAN!

So, yes, I deserve an award of excellence for tolerating this freak-nut. And because I've worked myself up into such a tizzy discussing him this morning, I've given him a ring to tell him I won't be home today. "Just spray the outside Bob". I just can't take it this month...

*just a note: the guy pictured above is not Bob. Although it is an uncanny resemblance to my buy guy, Bob's clothing is a bit more crisp. I would have taken a photo of Bob, but then I would have a had a, photo of Bob *shudder*.

** Names have been changed to protect the crackpots of the world.

posted by Heidi at 11:06 AM

| Permalink | 1 comments

Monday, July 24, 2006

The Anti-Blogging Challenge

The world is abuzz with blogging. Like pot and sex in the 70's, everybody's doing it.

Well, that is, everybody except G.

He is Anti-Blog. Thinks that they are silly and pointless. Yep, can't fathom why an adult would want to invest their precious time blogging.

I've tried to explain the importance of this new found platform. Told him it wasn't just a bunch of goofy teenagers talking crap. He still doesn't get it. And he's a intelligent guy.

He is so Anti-Blogging, he refuses to even read what I've got to say. You'd think he'd at least be interested in that, but nope.

So, with that said, I pose a challenge.

Send me all the reasons why you think blogging is righteous so I can turn this Anti-Blog guy into a believer. Trust me when I say he's a hard one to turn. It's important to be precise and to the point with this guy.

All ideas will be published, printed, and given to him (unless, of course, I chose not to publish, print, and present).

Get Creative! Go wild! Help a girl out!

posted by Heidi at 7:59 AM

| Permalink | 2 comments

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sunday Surfing...

It's Sunday. I'm being lazy (and no snarky comments from those who know me...).
While being so unusually lazy, once again kill any adverse comments you may have thought to say, I decide to take a peek at site I found while browsing endless blogs of interest-Blog Explosion.

But no, as fun as Blog Explosion has been it's not my epiphany.

What I've realized after several hours of browsing endless blogs is that just about everyone single person who has ever posted an entry is Bitching about the heat. I don't care what part of the country they live in, they are just blah, blah, blahing about how hot and humid it is.

3 words to you folks- GET OVER IT!

Damn! I'm sitting here in Vegas where it's a cool 110- and I mean that sincerely; it was 117 last week. The humidity is 20% (which is 20% higher than normal), and yes, the heat sucks.

Can we move on now? I've propped myself into my chair hoping for some interesting reads. You know, perhaps a bit of new information to broaden my horizons. Maybe give me a chuckle or two.

Nope. Not today, sweetheart. Same crap, blog after blog.

It's hot... Waaa... I can't think... Waaaa... I'm going to die from heat stroke... You get the gist, yes?

Butttt.... In my travels, did run across this fun little doohickey.

Needless to say, I spent far to long tinkering with this new toy, and created an animated version of me, Cheyenne and Libby! TeeHee!

posted by Heidi at 2:47 PM

| Permalink | 2 comments

Sunday Changes...

I never really liked my previous template, it didn't fit with the whole "Leaving Las Vegas" theme and was pretty darn boring if I must say so myself.

After a few hours of searching other blogs, I ran across Pannasmontata Templates, and found this crazy fun new design. The birds absolutely crack me up! Don't they look like they can't wait to get the hell outta dodge!

But whats up with that big arse picture of me??? No, I promise, I'm really not that vain; I just cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to make the friggin' photo any smaller- trust me, I tried!

If anyone knows how to re-size that baby, drop me a line...

posted by Heidi at 1:49 PM

| Permalink | 1 comments

Saturday, July 22, 2006

The life of a high heel diva...

So, it's Saturday morning, G has been gracious enough to give me the day off, and I'm sitting here curled up in my chair with my Starbucks Venti Latte.

There is only one problem. My feet are killing me. Yes, my dogs are barking (I've always loved that phrase!).

And you ask, "Why, Heidi, are your tootsies in turmoil?". I tell you this. It is because I refuse to wear comfortable shoes. Yes, I am a high heeled diva.

Now I'm sure I don't really 'stand out' amongst millions of other women who 'die by the shoe'. There are so many of us who, on a daily basis, tolerate the most excruciating pain known to man. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating just a tad, because I've never given birth.

But its got to rank #2.

We women squeeze our freshly manicured feet into tiny, albeit fabulous, torture chambers, and then walk about with big smiles on our faces.

NOTE TO MAN: The smiles are phony, honey. We want to DIE!

So many of you are probably asking the age-old question: WHY?. Well, first off, the general consensus-

It's really because of you; MEN. I mean, sure, it's turned into some warped fashionista competition between us girls, but I'm absolutely positive it originated from "looking pretty for the boys".

I'm not bitching, mind you. I love to look good for my man. I just wanted to point out that this look comes at a very high price. We women (and a select group of men) are giving it our 'all' so that you'll have a hot momma standing next to you, while we are dying a slow, painfully excruciating death!

Now for me, personally, I might have (okay, I do have) yet a second motive for my foot fashion. I'm short. Blame it on the fashion world. Blame it on whatever you like. Bottom line. I'm short in a tall-girl world. And not only am I short. I'm short with pudgy little legs. Yes, I WEAR HEELS TO MAKE ME LOOK TALLER. Wow! Wasn't that refreshing?!

I won't lie to you. I do have flats (if flip flops and sneakers count). But, for the most part, I wear high heels. Spikes, wedges- you name 'em, I got 'em. And no, my feet don't hurt everyday, just most. It just so happens that yesterdays fell under the 'most' category.

It was terribly hot and muggy outside, and I chose to skip the nylons (yes, I am one of the few women who still wear nylons- blame it on my perception of professionalism...). So , I skip the nylons- now that's another rant for another day- and strap on my favorite black BCBG heels. The combination of hot day and the precious BCBG's just didn't mix. Yes Boys, girls feet DO sweat. I know it's gross, it's just a fact.

Now I've got my pudgy little feet slipping and sliding in the heels, which, when I walk, push my big fat toe deep into the point. As the Fred Flinstone-like toe gets crammed, the top of my foot rubs raw. You'd think they would come up with a better design.... Forget the point and rub. Naw, this next point of pain made me completely forget about the last two. For what ever silly-willy reason, the f'ing designer chose to put a METAL ROD right at the bend in the shoe. BRILLIANT! This delightful METAL ROD has a breakthrough, literally. It broke through the shoe and into the fleshy underside of my foot. Every-Single-Step. A F'ING METAL ROD gouging into my foot, step after step after step...

Your full of questions today, aren't you? "Why didn't you take your shoes off?", or "why don't you have a spare pair of *shudder* comfortable shoes on hand?".BECAUSE I'M SHORT, DAMMIT! AND BECAUSE I WANT TO LOOK CUTE! That's why!

Anymore questions?

posted by Heidi at 11:04 AM

| Permalink | 2 comments

Friday, July 21, 2006

Happy Birthday to me...

Bead art by Cornelia Savory

Happy Birthday to me. Today I turned 29. Okay, 35. I always said I wasn't going to be one of those women who lied about their age (starting off on the right foot, eh?).

...I always said I wasn't going to be one of those women who lied about their age...

So here I am. Do I feel different? I guess not. It's just really hard for me to rationalize. I keep asking myself, "How the hell am I 35???". But I am. It's just amazing how the past 10, heck 20 years flew by so quickly, when the first 15 took so damn long. Why is that? Do our brains register time differently when we're young? There has to be some sort of explanation.

But I'm not here to harp on the whole birthday thing. I'm over it. Moved right on. So anyway, how's your day?

posted by Heidi at 3:24 PM

| Permalink | 1 comments

Thursday, July 20, 2006

And They wonder where the Rainforests have gone

So todays thoughts turn to the endless piles of junk mail we receive throughout our lifetime. It truly amazes me that this marketing ploy companies use must actually work!

When I speak of junk mail, I'm not referring to those crap-a-dap WalMart and grocery flyer's we get. As a matter of fact, I've been know to enjoy reading those during my *ummm hmmm* "private times"...

No, this entry is strictly about companies targeting us based upon whatever data they've bought from some other company along the way. Mostly credit card offers, it's really become quite a joke!

I never really sat down and thought about this topic at any great extent until now. I was getting ready to shred my 'weekly' piles when something caught my eye (well, actually several things caught my eye).

Did you know that you could just write a check and start saving??? Yep, it's true! Companies just send you blank checks, and let ya go to town! This is the offer from Southwest Airlines. Wow, I never realized that when I signed up for their credit card that they would be so generous!

Here's a good one from my mortgage company. They've asked me how lucky I'm feeling. Interestingly enough, I don't believe in luck! Maybe Countrywide assumed that since I lived in Vegas, I was "all about the luck"... And how about them giving me other 'lucky' folks names. Does that make me want to rush out and sign up for whatever they're promoting?

*Note to self: need to make sure my name isn't floating around on someone else's junk mail.

How 'bout Mickey jumping on the bandwagon? Yep, that's right folks! Disney is going to give me a 0% fixed apr for up to 12 months. It doesn't get much better than this, does it?! And what's the deal with the 'up to' crap? Are they, or aren't they?

Here's a great offer. Whaaaat? A free nights stay at the Holiday Inn? You've got to be kidding me! What the heck was that doing in the shred pile? Come on, who wouldn't dream of a night at the Inn?

This one was almost too good to be true. I had to open this envelope (most others have remained hermetically sealed). But how could I possibly resist checking out my very own Geico Gecko card. I think I'm going to put this one in my wallet. I don't want the insurance. I just want the card with the adorable little gecko on it!

With that being said, I'm off to shred...

But, before I go, Jeeves wanted me to remind you all that

Ta Ta!

posted by Heidi at 7:45 AM

| Permalink | 1 comments

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Oh the joys of aging....

Well, after my self-confessed post on my impending birthday, I get this lovely little letter in the mail today.

July 14, 2006

Heidi Gr.....
.............
.............

Reference: Notice of Premium Change

Dear Member,

The purpose of this letter is to advise you that your birthday on July 21, will place you in a new age bracket, which will cause a change in your monthly Individual premium. The new premium of $341.00 is effective on Tuesday, August 01, 2006.

If you are a direct bill member, your new premium will be indicated on your monthly billing statement for the above-mentioned effective date. If your premium is automatically deducted, the new premium will automatically be deducted from your account.

If you have any questions, you may contact Health Plan of Nevada, Inc (HPN), Group Services.

Sincerely,

Lori Yadav
Director, Group Services

Isn't that just scrumptious? New age bracket huh? And I really don't think she meant "new age" as in "spiritual exploration" new age.

Just delightful.

What's next? Jokes about how all the candles won't fit on my cake???

Hey, Lori Yadav, Kiss My Patooty!

posted by Heidi at 12:35 PM

| Permalink | 0 comments

Now that we've gotten that out of the way... (and what's up with the whiteys???)

...Then I turned 29.Six years ago.July 21, 2000.The day my birthday died...

You'd think that hunka-hunka burnin' love above would mean that I'm completely obsessed with my upcoming birthday. For the record, I'm not. I used to really love my birthday. Spend months preparing those around me for my special day. I would post reminders everywhere. People I barely knew, knew it was my birthday. Friends and family would find little hints wherever they turned. Post-its on fridges, subtle (and not so) hints dropped during dinners- you name it, I did it.

Then I turned 29. Six years ago. July 21, 2000. The day my birthday died. I never expected it to happen. Like I said, I loved my birthday. I mean, gifts, attention, what wasn't there to love? This is what I was all about. It was the reflections of my life that changed me. I realized that I spent all my life waiting to grow up, and than, BLAM! There it was. Adulthood. Yikes! At 29 I was terrified of 30. And then 30 came and went. Not so bad. I could do this.

I made it all the way to a few weeks ago. G and I were having a discussion about jobs we had when we were teenagers. Yes, I worked at Jack-in-the-Box. But that wasn't what got me. It was the "But Heidi, that was over 20 years ago..." that froze the blood in my veins. I argued for a minute. Went the whole "No, G, your the old one" route, and then- wait a minute (counting on my fingers and toes), SHIT! How was it humanly possible that I did anything 20 years ago? But I did. I was a teenager, without a worry in the world. It would be forever and ever before I was 18, and could get my own place. I couldn't even fathom 21. 30 year olds, were just that, OLD. They were moms and dads. They worked, they went to sleep before 11 without someone threatening them with their lives, they were boring.

I made it past 30 unscathed. I wasn't nearly as bad as I imaged 30 year olds to be. But then, 5 years flew by like weeks did when I was a teen. And then this. 20 years ago I hadn't a clue. Heck, if those years gone by seemed so recent, how quickly are the next 35 going to zoom? Will I wake up tomorrow and be old and feeble? I don't feel old. But what if...

And just to clear things up, I'm not forgetting my birthday completely. Naw, that wouldn't be any fun. I just don't get those "I can't wait for my birthday to arrive" sensations anymore. I don't bug people about the date. Hell, I wouldn't have even counted down, but I found a really fun site with blank posters for me to add my funny messages to! I couldn't think of anything else to type in, so my birthday countdown won out.

There is a positive point to this rather depressing revelation. I now understand that it is completely up to me to live my life to it's fullest. I realize that time is of the essence in life. Every moment matters. It's my responsibility to make every minute of the rest of my life count, and that is exactly what I intend on doing.

posted by Heidi at 12:07 AM

| Permalink | 2 comments

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

And the Thunder Rolls....

And the Lightning Strikes...

Argh! A little Garth Humor for ya!

You know, it never rains in Vegas. I mean, never. Did you know that Nevada was the driest state in the U.S.? Well it is. But on the rare occasion I decide to wash my vehicle, WAMMO! The sky opens up and the gods send us a gift.

Last night was remarkable. Over 2 hours of the most amazing light and sound show in the sky. There were times that my backyard lit up like the Sun was still shining...

Then the rain. Oh, the rain. Not a drizzle, mind you. A downpour of violent tears from above.

The Rain makes most people sad. Not me. It gives me joy. Something comforting and overwhelmingly peaceful about rain to me.

Needless to say, I was quite happy last night. Unfortunately, now, the sun is out in all his glory, and it's HOT and MUGGY! Not a very pretty combination for a Las Vegas summer, eh?! Oh, and now my car needs to be washed again...

Caught this on Letterman last night-

Wonder how he knew?

*And if you were wondering, yes, I am practicing my html and CSS.

posted by Heidi at 9:40 AM

| Permalink | 2 comments

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Red Monday...

I usually associate red with anger, so I've decided to try and change my opinion of it. Today's going to be Red Monday, and I'm going to make damn well sure that everything I associate the color with will make me happy.

Yes, Annie. Read the book, and could watch the movie a zillion and one times. This little orphan makes me smile- and everything Annie is red!

When I was about 8, my uncle took me to see the Annie production at the Desert Inn. It was fabulous! You know how kids love to watch other kids. Guess it helps us to relate. I was singing "It's a hard-knock life" forever!

A sexy, little red dress. Yep. Smiles. Who doesn't love to look fabulously sexy? Oh, and if your in as much love with this little number as I am, you can find her at Neiman Marcus.

Now what would a fabulous dress be,without fabulous shoes??? Aren't these red girly-girlies splendid?! I just love peek-a-boo toes! And in red too! Hey, if your going to dish out the money for the dress, these feminine little gals are the perfect pairing- and it's a one stop-shop! Get 'em at Neiman's too. And heck, these Christian Lacroix's will only set you back $475!

Ahhhh, just look at these pretty little, delicate red flowers blooming in my back yard. These line the retaining wall in the back, and when I look out my kitchen window, they are what I see. As a matter of fact, these beauties are the only flowers that are really thriving back there in this treacherous heat. Another point for red!

And last, but not least, this lovely little ladybug. I just adore ladybugs. They are the oxymoron's of the bug world. What bug is considered 'cute'? Well, the ladybug, of course! And she's red, she's red!

I suppose, after sitting and really thinking about it, red is really not a violent, angry color at all. Not a necessarily calm color, like pale blues and yellows, but definitely a vibrant happy color. Welcome to my new outlook on red.

posted by Heidi at 10:02 AM

| Permalink | 1 comments

Ahhhh Sunday....

Well here it is folks, Sunday. The day of reprieve.

Yes, Sunday one of 3 days each week during the Summer where I'm not stuck in my aviator (executive) chair, glued to my computer screen watching the live feeds, because CBS is kind enough to air a Big Brother 7 All Stars episode.

I guess it does suck that I know the entire outcome of Sunday's show, as I've already watched (and read) it all unfold. As they show snippets of the hamsters, I've already been privy to most of the conversations, and laugh hysterically when I see how the network has edited these conversations to make you think 'whatever they want you to think'.

But it's good. I know I'll be able to wake up Monday morning and my neck won't have a kink. My shoulder and wrist won't hurt from chasing my mouse up and down the screen. I'll be relaxed, and have something to look forward to.

I'll be anticipating the next time I can log on to Real Player, and catch back up
with the world that's sucked me in and has me, at times, actually believing I am in the house filled with flames and drama.

posted by Heidi at 12:50 AM

| Permalink | 1 comments

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Big Brother All Stars- POV

So, Kaysar's HOH, he's nominated Diane and Nakomis, and today is the Golden Power of Veto competition.

Chicken George is the host of the competition, and I'm thinkin' he looks like a cross between Adam Sandler (Happy Gilmore) and Rodney Dangerfield (Caddyshack), but one hell of a lot dorkier. (Is dorkier a word???)

As above picture illustrates, Chicken George randomly draws for participants. The selection and order they are competing is: (drum roll please)
1: Nakomis
2: Diane
3: James
4: Kaysar
5: Will
6: Erika

UPDATE:

Erika wins POV- she probably wont use the Veto since she's (at least appearing to be) with the S6. This will leave both Nakomis and Diane up for nomination, and boy is Diane taking it hard. I never realized what a cry baby she was. Waaaa Waaaaa.... It wasn't fair... We didn't have a chance of winning...... Boo Hoo! Your in Big Brother. People get put on the block (and some even go home dummy!) , Get the hell over it!!!!

posted by Heidi at 12:33 PM

| Permalink | 0 comments

Friday, July 14, 2006

HOUSEGUESTS SMOKE THE HOOKAH

Well, after a hysterical night with the hamsters hitting the hookah, will has a revelation.

He asks Kaysar if the hookah will get you high after smoking for awhile, and Kaysar says yes, you'll get a nicotine high. (note: Will is soooo stoned during this conversation!)

Will's response is absolutely priceless. He (in his best doctor tone) proceeds to explain that we have nicotine receptors in our noses, and nicotine is great to help you sh*t. He says that's why people want a cig in the morning when they wake up. It's because they really want to sh*t!

I am cracking up!!!!

Will hits the hookah

Erika "Puff, Puff, Giivvvvvvve"

posted by Heidi at 10:11 PM

| Permalink | 0 comments

Big Brother All Stars Loser Alison says they all lie!!!!

by David Bloomberg -- 07/14/2006

Alison was the first “All-Star” to be evicted. How does she think she could have changed that? Why did she play so hard, so early? What does she think of some of her fellow players – for example, is Chicken George faking being clueless? What does she think about all the BB6 players being in the game? And what was the real deal with hiding in the urn? Read on to find out all of this and much more! Alison has been on Big Brother 4, The Amazing Race, and was back on Big Brother: All-Stars. Her time on All-Stars was short, though. Why did she play so hard? What does she think about the trustworthiness of her fellow houseguests? Who is the real Alison? She answers all these questions and many more in this interview with RealityNewsOnline.

RealityNewsOnline: Hello, Alison!

Alison: What up?

RNO: Not much here, what up with you?

Alison: Well, you know, this little matter of an eviction. (laughing)

RNO: So what made you decide to go back to Big Brother?

Alison: It was just an opportunity, why would you pass it up? And it was good timing in my life. And money, you know.

RNO: So, what show is next? Will we be seeing you on Survivor or Rock Star?

Alison: No. No Rock Star, that’s for darn sure. We’ll see if there’s anything else in the works or not.

RNO: We’re not going to see your wedding on TV are we?

Alison: I dunno. (laughing)

RNO: Many people who go on reality TV shows talk about how much they’ve learned about themselves. You’ve now been on three times – what have you learned?

Alison: I learned probably that these reality shows are reality in their own sense but are putting you in situations that you wouldn’t normally find yourself in, in reality. They show me how I handle stress – or not. And how I react to certain situations that I would not normally find myself in. And it’s not pretty sometimes.

RNO: We’ve seen you on the show, such as when you made comments about Janelle, but then you were embarrassed when Julie Chen brought them up after your eviction. Who is the real Alison?

Alison: It’s funny when you do it [make comments like that] and it’s funny as a stress reliever to rip on someone. Laughter takes stress away. But when it’s taken out of context, I was horrified. I was like, oh my God, I am that evil bitch they made me out to be on Big Brother 4! Janelle is probably a really awesome person outside the house. I am a very sarcastic and humorous person, but if you don’t know me I could see how you’d think that was being evil.

RNO: Indeed, when you’ve been on the shows, you’ve taken your share of criticism for the way you acted. What do you think of that?

Alison: I really don’t care. I don’t look at any of that. It’s the least of my concerns. Love me or hate me, I’m on your mind.

RNO: From what we saw, there seemed to be a very clear division between those who were trying to play the game hard in the first week and those who were just lying back waiting for others to move. Why did you choose the first route?

Alison: I was kind of forced into it, because I was one of the names brought up for nomination. At that point, you gotta play, you can’t sit back. I’d rather go out kicking and screaming than watch.

RNO: So you were brought up for nomination before Danielle started her campaign for Jase and Janelle to disagree?

Alison: Yes.

RNO: Once you were nominated, Danielle seemed to play laid back while you were more aggressive in trying to save yourself – do you think that’s what did you in?

Alison: That really wasn’t how it was perceived in the house at all. I actually was the one who stepped back and chilled at first. I saw she was more agressive and got votes, so I had to, and she stepped back.

RNO: What do you feel you could have done differently to stay in the game?

Alison: Win the veto. That’s about it. And I was about knocked out in the first five seconds.

RNO: We didn’t see it on TV, but live feed watchers did – tell us what the deal was with hiding in the urn.

Alison: Will told me to see if I could fit in there. So I did.

RNO: Was it to spy on people and listen in on their conversations?

Alison: No, that would be stupid! If they ever caught me, I would be dead. They all knew I was there. I even told Janelle I fell asleep in the urn.

RNO: You fell asleep?

Alison: Yeah. I passed out, man. It was comfortable. And there were pillows in there.

RNO: Most live feed viewers thought you were using the pillow to hide from people.

Alison: I was using it to hide, from the cameras. It’s the only place in the house without one. You go to pee and there’s a camera. You take a shower and there’s a camera!

RNO: Who did you feel was the most trustworthy person in the house?

Alison: Is that a joke?! There is not one trustworthy person in that house. Forget that!

RNO: What about the least?

Alison: Oh God. All of them! They all lie! Everybody lies in the house!

RNO: Who do you expect to win?

Alison: I don’t know who I expect, but I like Diane. There’s too many unexpected, huge twists. I would really like to see Diane or Danielle as the winner.

RNO: What are your feelings about so many season 6 contestants being on the show?

Alison: I think it’s horsecrap. Why don’t you call it “Big Brother 6 All-Stars”? Next twist, they’ll throw a whole family in there against four others.

RNO: Did it surprise you that Dr. Will, the only winner on All-Stars, was not targeted first?

Alison: No, because I think it’s just a given that he’s going to be gone. I don’t think there’s any chance that he will make it.

RNO: But that’s what they thought in his season, and he won.

Alison: Yeah, but I don’t think he’s going to make it too much longer.

RNO: How long do you think it will be before relationships from outside the house start to break down among the players?

Alison: Pretty soon, I think. I give it two more weeks.

RNO: If you could have picked one person to be on the show who wasn’t, who would it have been?

Alison: Jun. I thought she was a great All-Star.

RNO: Have you had any contact with her?

Alison: No, but I would like to.

RNO: Who of the 20 were you surprised didn't make it into All-Stars?

Alison: Lisa.

RNO: Do you think Chicken George is playing dumb, or just IS dumb?

Alison: I think Chicken George is a fricking moron! But I think he’s smarter than he leads on to be, which isn’t really that much.

RNO: Is there anything else you want to add?

Alison: I’m good if you’re good!

RNO: Thank you very much.

Alison: Thanks, David.

RNO: And we’ll be looking at the next CBS reality show for you!

http://www.realitynewsonline.com/cgi-bin/ae.pl?mode=4&article=article6255.art&page=1

posted by Heidi at 9:10 PM

| Permalink | 0 comments

So slop it is....

Well, the blue team: Howie, Janelle, Marcellas, James, Nakomis and Danielle, are going to be eating slop for a week. It looks like gross oatmeal, but apparently is some high nutrition schloop! UGH! Nasty looking!

UPDATE: hamsters announce nutritional value of slop: 25 grams protein, lots of fiber, 40 grams of carbs, 290 cal per serving.

Sounds delish! Here's how it looks (kinda resembles strawberry ice cream, doesn't it!):

UPDATE:

And this is the goop they are eating...http://www.billpearl.com/product.asp?i=2670

Here are some screen shots from the Food Competition:

posted by Heidi at 12:22 PM

| Permalink | 0 comments

Erika injured?

Live feed posts are indicating that Erika was injured during food competition. In between flames, Dr. Will was heard saying that in his professional opinion, Erika should get an X-ray. Sounds like she swallowed something? Hopefully it wasn't a 'rat' part...

Will post update as soon as we hear more.

UPDATE:
Will says he injured Erika; rammed into her ribs (perhaps broken). Will expressing how terrible he feels about being such a jackass.
UPDATE:
Jase says Erika has been seen by doctor. Although she is in tremendous pain, she should be okay. Lie down and ice her ribs.

posted by Heidi at 12:06 PM

| Permalink | 0 comments

Big Brother All Stars 1st Food Competition

taken from Realitybbq.com
Friday, July 14, 2006
The Food Competition is Over! *Spoiler*

Competition: Slop Till' You DropThe new PB and J diet is "Slop".

Contestants had to run to the slop and search through it with only their mouths to retrieve rats that are hidden within it.

The HG's were divided into two teams:
Red: Diane, Jase, Erika, Will, Mike, George
Blue: Howie, Janelle, Marcellas, James, Nakomis, Danielle

Each team was then broken into partnerships:
Will & Erika
Janelle & Marcellas
Jase & George
James & Nakomis
Mike & Diane
Danielle & Howie

The two person teams (see above) were tied together and went one at a time per team, so four people were searching for rats at one time. Once each person in a pair found a rat they would come back and the next set of partners would go. The first team to get 12 rats would get a normal food diet.The red team won.

posted by Heidi at 11:59 AM

| Permalink | 0 comments

KING KAYSAR- BB All-Stars newest HOH

WHAT UP, KAYSAR!

Well, my boy did it! HOH. It was a close one between him and Nakomis, but he pulled it off (even if Julie screwed up!). Another week with BB6 in control, and sure to make all the other lil' hamsters a bit nervous. Kaysar is a smart guy. He's already got his players in line, and he knows what his teams strength and weaknesses are.

It currently looks like there going to try and unravel the Mr. and Mrs. Smith alliance and expose both Diane and Jase. Plan is to nominate Nakomis and Diane (aka 'the ambers'), let Jase win POV, and sit back and wait for him to remove Diane. It really is quite a brilliant scheme, as long as everything fall correctly into place (which it seldom ever does...).

UPDATE:
Seems as if Kaysars plan is working. He had a conversation with Will and Booger (lol); has them believing the whole 'we can be aligned' crap.

Kaysar also wants to come up with a new name for the BB6 alliance. Doesn't want the Sov4. Wonder what they'll come up with. Anyone have any suggestions?

posted by Heidi at 11:22 AM

| Permalink | 0 comments

Big Brother All Stars Alison Gets the Boot!

Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead!!!!!!!!!!

Couldn't of happened to a nicer person, eh?

Alison, BB4 bitch, first person evicted from the house. Even watching the live feeds, and hearing the hamsters all agree it was Alison getting the boot, I was on pins and needles last night during the eviction show.

And oh how I love her sweet and innocent crap with Julie. Yeah right, she couldn't believe she actually said those things about Janelle. She's embarrassed. Sure she is! Sorry honey, ya gots ta go!

Isn't she sooo sweet????

So smug! UGH!

posted by Heidi at 12:04 AM

| Permalink | 1 comments