So, it's Saturday morning, G has been gracious enough to give me the day off, and I'm sitting here curled up in my chair with my Starbucks Venti Latte.

There is only one problem. My feet are killing me. Yes, my dogs are barking (I've always loved that phrase!).

And you ask, "Why, Heidi, are your tootsies in turmoil?". I tell you this. It is because I refuse to wear comfortable shoes. Yes, I am a high heeled diva.

Now I'm sure I don't really 'stand out' amongst millions of other women who 'die by the shoe'. There are so many of us who, on a daily basis, tolerate the most excruciating pain known to man. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating just a tad, because I've never given birth.

But its got to rank #2.

We women squeeze our freshly manicured feet into tiny, albeit fabulous, torture chambers, and then walk about with big smiles on our faces.

NOTE TO MAN: The smiles are phony, honey. We want to DIE!

So many of you are probably asking the age-old question: WHY?. Well, first off, the general consensus-

It's really because of you; MEN. I mean, sure, it's turned into some warped fashionista competition between us girls, but I'm absolutely positive it originated from "looking pretty for the boys".

I'm not bitching, mind you. I love to look good for my man. I just wanted to point out that this look comes at a very high price. We women (and a select group of men) are giving it our 'all' so that you'll have a hot momma standing next to you, while we are dying a slow, painfully excruciating death!

Now for me, personally, I might have (okay, I do have) yet a second motive for my foot fashion. I'm short. Blame it on the fashion world. Blame it on whatever you like. Bottom line. I'm short in a tall-girl world. And not only am I short. I'm short with pudgy little legs. Yes, I WEAR HEELS TO MAKE ME LOOK TALLER. Wow! Wasn't that refreshing?!

I won't lie to you. I do have flats (if flip flops and sneakers count). But, for the most part, I wear high heels. Spikes, wedges- you name 'em, I got 'em. And no, my feet don't hurt everyday, just most. It just so happens that yesterdays fell under the 'most' category.

It was terribly hot and muggy outside, and I chose to skip the nylons (yes, I am one of the few women who still wear nylons- blame it on my perception of professionalism...). So , I skip the nylons- now that's another rant for another day- and strap on my favorite black BCBG heels. The combination of hot day and the precious BCBG's just didn't mix. Yes Boys, girls feet DO sweat. I know it's gross, it's just a fact.


Now I've got my pudgy little feet slipping and sliding in the heels, which, when I walk, push my big fat toe deep into the point. As the Fred Flinstone-like toe gets crammed, the top of my foot rubs raw. You'd think they would come up with a better design.... Forget the point and rub. Naw, this next point of pain made me completely forget about the last two. For what ever silly-willy reason, the f'ing designer chose to put a METAL ROD right at the bend in the shoe. BRILLIANT! This delightful METAL ROD has a breakthrough, literally. It broke through the shoe and into the fleshy underside of my foot. Every-Single-Step. A F'ING METAL ROD gouging into my foot, step after step after step...



Your full of questions today, aren't you? "Why didn't you take your shoes off?", or "why don't you have a spare pair of *shudder* comfortable shoes on hand?".BECAUSE I'M SHORT, DAMMIT! AND BECAUSE I WANT TO LOOK CUTE! That's why!

Anymore questions?