Now that we've gotten that out of the way... (and what's up with the whiteys???)

You'd think that hunka-hunka burnin' love above would mean that I'm completely obsessed with my upcoming birthday. For the record, I'm not. I used to really love my birthday. Spend months preparing those around me for my special day. I would post reminders everywhere. People I barely knew, knew it was my birthday. Friends and family would find little hints wherever they turned. Post-its on fridges, subtle (and not so) hints dropped during dinners- you name it, I did it.

Then I turned 29. Six years ago. July 21, 2000. The day my birthday died. I never expected it to happen. Like I said, I loved my birthday. I mean, gifts, attention, what wasn't there to love? This is what I was all about. It was the reflections of my life that changed me. I realized that I spent all my life waiting to grow up, and than, BLAM! There it was. Adulthood. Yikes! At 29 I was terrified of 30. And then 30 came and went. Not so bad. I could do this.

I made it all the way to a few weeks ago. G and I were having a discussion about jobs we had when we were teenagers. Yes, I worked at Jack-in-the-Box. But that wasn't what got me. It was the "But Heidi, that was over 20 years ago..." that froze the blood in my veins. I argued for a minute. Went the whole "No, G, your the old one" route, and then- wait a minute (counting on my fingers and toes), SHIT! How was it humanly possible that I did anything 20 years ago? But I did. I was a teenager, without a worry in the world. It would be forever and ever before I was 18, and could get my own place. I couldn't even fathom 21. 30 year olds, were just that, OLD. They were moms and dads. They worked, they went to sleep before 11 without someone threatening them with their lives, they were boring.

I made it past 30 unscathed. I wasn't nearly as bad as I imaged 30 year olds to be. But then, 5 years flew by like weeks did when I was a teen. And then this. 20 years ago I hadn't a clue. Heck, if those years gone by seemed so recent, how quickly are the next 35 going to zoom? Will I wake up tomorrow and be old and feeble? I don't feel old. But what if...

And just to clear things up, I'm not forgetting my birthday completely. Naw, that wouldn't be any fun. I just don't get those "I can't wait for my birthday to arrive" sensations anymore. I don't bug people about the date. Hell, I wouldn't have even counted down, but I found a really fun site with blank posters for me to add my funny messages to! I couldn't think of anything else to type in, so my birthday countdown won out.

There is a positive point to this rather depressing revelation. I now understand that it is completely up to me to live my life to it's fullest. I realize that time is of the essence in life. Every moment matters. It's my responsibility to make every minute of the rest of my life count, and that is exactly what I intend on doing.