I see that I've got to explain my Crap-o-Matic Machine a bit further to you people....


Here's why my panties were so bunched up:

8am: I get a call from Super T telling me that the trailer (yea, I work in a Single-Wide White Trash Trailer- AKA "Temporary Sales/Information Center"- What's it to ya???) was broken into last night.

Super T: Heidi, the trailer was broken into last night

Me: Shut up!

Super T: Really, it was. Someone threw a rock through the window and came inside.

Me. Shut the fuck up loser!

Super T: I'm serious as a heart attack. They stole the fire extinguisher, and it looks like they took some change out of your drawer.

Me: Are you lying to me?

Super T: NO! LISTEN TO ME! They broke in. They had a couple of beers too.

Me: Oh, okay. See you when I get there....

So, Super T and his sidekick Marvydoodle are notorious for fucking with me. These are the same ass-wipes who smeared a Baby Ruth bar all over our toilet, complete with the nuts (lovely little creature's they are...). Since this little incident, I've been very hesitant to believe a damn word either one says. Now this. Did we really get broken into? Guess I'd have to wait and see, but I was pretty sure he was screwing around.

I pull up and sure enough the window is broken. Now I'm getting a little bit worried. Our computer with all our files (that I am really bad about backing up) are in there. All of the office equipment. Shit like that.

I walk into the office. Gallery looks okay. Back to my office. There are 3 cans of Bud Lite sitting on my desk. Hmm... I sit down and look around. Doesn't look too bad. Probably just fucktard kids. And only one of the beers was opened. Not even completely empty. The dumb asses left us 2 full beers-what's up with that?

I had 20 bucks in the drawer, which our little burglars stole. Eh, pissed me off a tad, but whatever.

Then I notice my computer (fortunately still here in one piece) is turned on. Hmm. Little dickweeds tried to get into my computer. Ha Ha on them. Password Protected. They obviously weren't hackers trying to destroy my career...
I decide to check my files out and then- MOTHER FUCKING FUCK!

Those smelly little assholes stole my god damn mouse! THEY STOLE MY MOUSE!!!

WHO THE HELL STEALS MOUSES (would you call them mice?)????? Have you ever tried using your PC with out a friggin mouse??? Pretty damn impossible, let me tell you.

So now I'm officially pissed. Super T walks in at about this time. I tell him about the frickin mouse and ask him where the hell his mighty Security Guard was last night. Apparently Bozo Rent-a-cop is in his car sleeping while the bad guys showed up and snatched my beloved mouse!

Because I am now officially 'mouseless', I've got to go to the store and get a new one. Because I work in BUM FUCK EGYPT, the only things remotely close are Albertsons and Walgreens. I figure Walgreens is my best bet.

Now I'm obviously really pissed off about this time, and the stupid ass Las Vegas Dust-Infested-Wind blows my hair into a Medusa 'style',so needless to say, I look like a crazed bitch walking into my neighborhood pharmacy. I walk over to the 'mouse area' and proceed to try and take the first mouse I see off the rack. It's not budging. Seems to me like the little hook it hangs on is stuck on the bar above it.

This goes on for about, oh, 4 or 5 minutes, when I here somebody say something. I look behind me and there are 3 people "lined up" waiting for me. The guys says, again, those are locked. You need to get the clerk. FUCK! I sat there for god-knows-how-long and my pissed off dumb ass never realized they were locked.

I let all the waiting peons go ahead and get whatever shit they're getting and grab my friendly little Walgreens Associate. After he gets me my damn mouse he wants to chit chat. No, no, no, my lovey. NOT TODAY! Give me my mouse dammit!

So back to the office I go, happy as a little clam. Get in and spend far to much time trying to rip the damn thing out of it's package (no, scissors would have been far to easy at this point- I didn't feel I deserved the easy way out today...). Mousy is free of the plastic crap packaging and I plug him on in. WHAT?

I BOUGHT A RETRACTABLE LAPTOP MOUSE! The fucking cord is only 2'. This stupid ass, wanna-be mouse won't even reach my desk!!!

$14.95 spent on a Crap-o-Matic Mouse that I have to try and stabilize on my frickin knee so I can work- okay, fuck around on the computer.

I want my cute little wireless mousy-poo back!!! Those Moronic Mouse Crooks better hope I don't ever find them...